Modern Techology Isn't Everyone's Cup of Tea
by SacredAir
Summary: A collection of one-shots in which H.G.Wells is faced with the challenge of getting to know the modern world just that little bit better. No pairings, maybe some Pete/Myka if you really squint, friendship. And lots of laughs.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I'm baaaack. And I did mention at the end of Illness and Foreverness that I wanted to write an H.G centric fic, but one without drama and action and general angst. The general idea behind these one-shots (yes, there will be more, I don't know when because starting Monday real-life will inevitably take over) is to convey a little bit of the confusion that H.G suffered whilst adapting to our world.**

**(Also, I really enjoy writing from H.G's point of view. Maybe it's because I'm british too ;))**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first chapter! Please let me know what you thought :)**

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events.

She hadn't meant to inflict such serious damage on what now appeared to be a harmless, lifeless kitchen item. Granted, she hadn't the foggiest idea what it did – or what it was - but it had taken her a minute before realizing that the strange, electrical, squeaky sounds it had been making were not, in fact, threatening. Unfortunately, attacking the item in question had perhaps not been the most effective way of subduing it.

...seeing as she'd shot the spear of her grappling hook straight through the glass window of the object and had – quite effectively – torn off what appeared to be the door. Now, all that was left of the small, harmless kitchen appliance was a smoking, blackened hollow box, with what looked like the charred remains of some food or other lying inside.

She suspected that any second now, either Pete or Myka would burst into the kitchen, Tesla's raised and ready to shoot at any possible enemy (herself excluded, of course), and would see the now irreparable door lying discarded on the hardwood kitchen floor….Good God, and Artie….he'd probably have kittens if he saw what she'd done-

'Whoa –H.G! What have you done!' she heard Claudia exclaim from behind her, and she spun round to face the teenager, already trying to form a viable excuse. The girls face was contorted in horror, wide eyes fixed on the discarded piece of metal on the ground. 'Oh my God, H.G – you just _murdered_ our microwave!'

Ah. Well, at least now the object had a name.

Not knowing whether to despair or laugh at the teenager's facial expression, H.G opted for the neutral shrug. 'I did not 'murder' it, darling, it's an inanimate object-'

'An _inanimate ob_- H.G – this is like, the Holy Grail of kitchen appliances – you just killed it – I mean what did it do to_ you_?' Claudia moans, hands coming up to cover her mouth in shock, quickly bending down to examine the torn off door.

Anyone would think she'd just shot a puppy, or something.

'Well, _I'm_ sorry, but I associate loud beeping sounds with bombs, not...Micro-waves, or whatever the hell that thing is called,' she answers hotly. How did they all expect her to be totally up to date with absolutely every single technological advance that had occurred over the last one-hundred and twenty years? 'So I took no chances.'

'Hey, hey, hey!' Just then, Pete chose to walk through the door, nose wrinkling in disgust as he smelt the fumes from the half-molten microwave. 'Did someone set fire to something in here, or is it just me?'

'Pete! Look,' Claudia dragged him by his sleeve over to where the disaster had occurred. 'Look what she did!'

H.G. gasped in outrage. 'Well, if someone had at least bothered to tell me what that thing was and that it made suspicious noises, that wouldn't have happened!'

As the man took in the damage that had been done, his face took on an expression of despair identical to that of the teenager's.

'My leftover take-out was in there – it was special Chow-Mein-' he practically whimpered, launching himself at the remains of the microwave and trying to salvage anything that might still be edible. Turning around with a charred object in his hands that H.G vaguely recognized as one of Leena's bowls, he glared at her. 'What would possess you to shoot at an innocent bowl of Chow-Mein? Huh?'

Just as H.G started to doubt the fact that forgiveness was still a part of the modern world, Myka poked her head around the kitchen door. 'What's going on? Why are we all shouting?'

'H.G broke the microwave.'

'Dude, she didn't just 'break' the microwave. She took out a gun and shot it!'

'It's actually a grappling hook-'

'You really aren't helping your case-'

'Guys!' Myka shouted, stamping her foot slightly and making them all stop arguing. She stared at the microwave, then at H.G. 'Okay, so, H.G. broke the microwave. I'm assuming by accident?'

'Of course by accident! I had no idea what it is – for all I knew it was some sort of artifact that had found its way into the kitchen!' she gesticulates, trying, for the umpteenth time, to get her point across. 'What is a microwave anyway. What does it do?'

Myka snorts humorously, taking a better look at the ripped-off door. 'What, apart from it nuking food into an edible state?'

The look her partner gives her is one akin to distain, and he turns to H.G to expand Myka's point. 'It cooks food. It unfreezes things quickly, heats things up. You can make special microwave meals in less than, like, two minutes…my best friend…' Pete gazed at the molten lump on the worktop sadly, quickly editing his statement as Myka jabbed him in the ribs. 'I mean, my best….non-living friend…?'

Ah. Well, that explained why Pete was so torn up about it.

'And what about the beeping noise?'

'It's a timer – y'know, like a clock to tell you when the food is ready,' Claudia replied, patting the older woman on the shoulder in what H.G took to being a reconciliatory action. 'You can help us plan the funeral…'

'Bloody hell.' She sighed. 'Look, if this micro-wave gizmo has such a high level of importance to you all, I will buy you a new one.'

Three pairs of eyes snap up to meet hers at once, the first two filled with joy and excitement (which was a little creepy, if she were honest) and the last one glinting with amusement.

'REALLY?' Claudia squealed. 'I mean, because that one – well, that one was _ancient – _I mean, now we can get an amazing new one with all those unnecessary but awesome settings-'

'-like touch screen control, and 'steam' mode, and 'soften' mode-' Pete grinned.

'-eeee!' Claudia launched herself at H.G, hugging her tightly. 'H.G, you're a rock-star! C'mon,' she grabs the elder woman's hand, pulling her into the lounge. 'We have got some serious pay-pal-ing to do.'

She shot Pete and Myka a nervous glance over her shoulder, dark eyes narrowing as she saw them smirk at her in response. Following Claudia to where her laptop was charging, she wondered if she would regret spending copious amounts of money on this strange (and in her opinion completely unnecessary – had modern day fascination with instant gratification escalated to the point where people were too lazy to get out a pot and boil water over a stove?) gadget.

Regardless, she couldn't help smiling at the girl's excitement, so she sat down beside her and waited for the laptop to 'do its thing'.

(Oh, and she _really_ needed to look up the meaning of 'rockstar' when she had the opportunity.)

**How did you find it? Next up will probably be either laptops or mobile phones :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Back again, after a bit of a hiatus on my part – due to returning home, visiting family and friends etc. I trust you've all had a good Christmas/ New Years/ Holidays? :)**

**Moving on, here is chapter two. Now, I know I was debating whether to use computers or phones as the item of technology for the next chapter – however, inspiration stuck in the form of something quite different. (I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had to live with someone who uses a noisy shaver ;) )**

**Enjoy! Please let me know what you think :)**

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzznnn. Zzzzn. Zzzn. Zzzzzznnnn._

There it was again. Every morning, at five past nine on the dot, H.G would be awoken without so much as a warning by an incredibly annoying sound.

_._

It was driving her to the point of madness. As someone who was naturally an early riser, the Englishwoman didn't care for the inconvenience, but it was not knowing the origin of the sound that irked her. The first few days in her new room, which was situated right next to Myka's, she'd refrained from mentioning this particular concern of hers – after all, all houses have their quirks and noises, so maybe she was experiencing a period of adjustment.

To Helena's dismay, after ten days she'd still not managed to discover the object responsible for the high pitched whine that seemed to originate from the bathroom at the end of the landing. She'd described to Artie – in great detail too – the sound she was hearing (her exact words were 'like the buzz of a bee, but sharper and with a higher level of irritation'), but the elder man raised an eyebrow disdainfully (she supposed he still objected to her re-instatement – the man was quite positively sulking) and told her it was probably nothing.

_Zzzzzzzzzzn._

She frowned in annoyance, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and tying her hair into a ponytail with one of the dark elastic bands Myka had given her (she had yet to perfect this action, as 'scrunchies', were still a fairly new concept for her). Sliding her feet into her slippers, she grabbed her Tesla from the bedside table.

Enough was enough. If the noise was not going to stop, then she would bloody well make it stop.

As she reached the door, she hesitated and placed the Tesla on top of the set of drawers to her right. The microwave ordeal had been bad enough (six hundred pounds she'd had to pay for the new one – and Claudia _still _hadn't shown her how it worked) and she didn't particularly want to repeat the experience.

Slipping silently out of the door and clicking it shut behind her, she whipped around and almost jumped out of her skin as her own eyes met Leena's pale ones.

'Helena,' the young woman exclaimed, sounding somewhat surprised (though HG highly doubted the woman had ever experienced that sensation, what with her medium like disposition). 'You're up earlier than usual.'

Helena smiled warmly. She'd taken a liking to the owner of the Bed and Breakfast – a woman of few words, kind but cryptic. Although she understood why the others were slightly nervous around her (after all, being around someone who was seemingly all-knowing was a little awkward) HG didn't find the woman's apparent psychic abilities too unnerving (perhaps after spending one hundred and thirty years encased in bronze one's brain really didn't find anything alarming).

'Actually, I always wake up at around this time. Every morning…' she trailed off, squinting to inspect the corner of the landing – the one situated between the bathroom and Myka's room. Her eyes snapped up to meet Leena's once more. 'Tell me, Leena – have you ever heard…at around this time in the morning…a strange sound?'

Leena's eyebrow quirked. 'A _strange_ sound?'

Helena nodded, somewhat frustrated. How could she be the _only_ one to hear this aggravating noise? 'I've already told Artie about this…but, well, he's Artie, so perhaps that wasn't the best move on my part...' she sighed. 'I'm beginning to think I'm going slightly batty.'

'Trust me,' Leena half-smirked. 'You're probably the least crazy person in this building.'

HG sniggered. 'I think I can just about work out who you're referring to-'

_Zzzzzn, zzzzn, zzzzzznnnnnn. Zzzzzn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzn._

This time, the elder woman was sure her friend had heard it to, for the sound was louder and angrier than ever - and Leena's head whipped around to face the bathroom door. There was no mistaking it, something was most definitely amiss.

'Leena!' Helena barked, quickly positioning herself so that she was flattened against the wall next to the bathroom door. She cursed herself for having left the Tesla in her room. 'Wake Pete and Myka, I'm not sure what we're dealing with here-'

'Wait a sec, HG, it's just-'

But Leena's cry of warning was cut off as Helena sprung up and – just like that – kicked down the bathroom door. Someone let out what appeared to be a scream, and spurred by the sound, she yanked off a splint of wood from the remains of the door frame (anything was better than walking in empty-handed) and regardless of her lack of protection or back-up, entered the room, splint raised threateningly over her head, ready to be brought down upon any foe she may encounter.

For a moment, sight hindered by the steamy haze she'd stepped into, she was unable to make out much. The bathroom – or what she could see, looked normal enough – but nevertheless she began feeling around wildly for any signs of mishap, her hand met bare, firm skin to her right, centimetres away from her face –

'What the hell is going on?' The body in front of her sprung back at her touch, and as the steam evaporated completely, she obtained a detailed – much too detailed - view of the scene in front of her –

Good Heavens.

Pete was standing by the shower. And he was…well. Rather naked.

In fact, he was completely disrobed.

'Holy crap, _Helena_!' glaring, he grabbed the nearest towel he could get his hands on and wrapped himself in it, and finally putting his hands on his hips. 'Why-' he spluttered, nodding towards the door, and jumping as he caught sight of Leena peering in at the scene. 'Just…what?'

Leena rolled her eyes at him, massaging her forehead with the tips of her fingers in a sign of despair. 'She heard your _shaver_, Pete.'

He frowned at HG in confusion. 'My shaver?' Suddenly, as if finally comprehending what Leena was getting at, he chuckled. '_Oh_. My shaver.'

Helena blinked. Somewhere along the lines, she'd found herself to be completely lost in regards to the conversation she was meant to be taking an active part of. 'Pardon my ignorance, but what is a shaver, please?'

Pete's eyebrows shot up, and he smirked, reaching behind him to take an item off the shelf. It appeared to be a silver, cylindrical object, fitting into the palm of his hand easily. The top if it Helena observed was decorated with four thin blades, embedded within the rubber top.

'_This_ is a shaver,' he held it up to his jaw, passing the bladed end along the skin of his face. 'It _shaves_. Y'know, like, to get rid of stubble?' his thumb flicked upwards.

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzn._

'Aurrgh! There it is again!' whilst she'd been paying attention to the object Pete had been showing her, she'd completely disregarded her original aim – the analysis of the origin of the noise. Now, it had snuck up on her again, nearer than ever – and it appeared to be coming from the shaver. 'Why does it make such a _God awful_ racket?'

Pete laughed, flicking the switch of the item on and off, emitting short bursts of noise. Leena rolled her eyes.'That's just how it works,' she explained, swatting the man's arm indicating him to stop. 'If you wake Myka up, I'm not going to be the one to mop your blood off of the tiles.'

'So, what you're saying is that that…electrical appliance… is what the modern man uses to shave his face? Can't you use the normal…manual blades anymore?'

'What, are you suggesting Pete actually does some effort?' a voice stated drily, and a moment later, Myka poked her head into the bathroom, untamed curls framing her face.

'Morning,' Leena and HG acknowledged her simultaneously.

'What-ho, the lioness has finally left her lair,' Pete pulled on a strand of his partner's hair affectionately.

'Well, this lioness is gonna have no qualms castrating you if you carry on using that stupid machine so damn early in the morning.'

'Oh come on! You can barely_ hear_ this baby! It's one of the newest models available!'

Helena narrowed her eyes at him. Clearly, the male being and denial still went hand in hand in the twenty first century. 'Well,' she smirked. 'I don't know if standards have changed since my time, but surely if an item makes such an appalling sound,' she pats Pete's face somewhat patronisingly. 'It usually means that it's _not very good_.'

'_Nuh, nuh, nuuuhh_,' Pete mocked her, sticking out his tongue and bringing up the shaver only to switch it on right by her ear, causing her to jump backwards in fright.

'_Children_, stop it,' Leena sighed, taking in the damage that had been reaped upon the door to the bathroom (she really needed to stop using violence as a means for investigation). 'We need to sort this door out before Artie sees it-'

'-I'm surprised that with the amount of stress inducing mishaps we've had over the last couple of years there isn't a mini zoo made up of all the kittens and cows that Artie has had-'

'-not to mention a special pool for him filled with hernia cream-'

'You two,' Leena hissed at Pete and Myka, suddenly stern. 'Keep the volume down. You'll wake Claudia.'

'Claudia's a big girl,' Pete smirked. 'She can handle it.'

'Judging by the fact that we _all_ know Claudia isn't a morning person, I don't think it's _her_ well-being Leena is worried about.'

'I think my well-being has already been depleted to its minimum today,' the man narrowed his eyes at HG, securing the knot holding the towel around his waist again. 'I almost had a heart attack when Mary Poppins blasted her way in through the door-'

Helena wrinkled her nose at the nickname.

Myka snickered. 'I think _Mary Poppins _is the one who is going to be scarred for life, if she walked in on you naked-'

'You're just jealous she had the opportunity to sneak a peak at my package-'

As Myka grabbed the shaver off of him, and buzzed it in his ear, Helena flinched. Regardless of the innocent explanation for the noise that had been haunting her mornings, she was still wary of the object in question, so when she was sure that Myka wasn't going to give it back to her partner, she whisked it daintily out of her friend's hands and grinned.

'I have an idea,' she exclaimed, watching amusedly as Pete's face paled. 'Why don't Claudia and I brainstorm some kind of extra part that mutes the sound of this…shaver…completely?'

Myka nodded in agreement, her smile growing as she considered the proposition. 'Now _that,_' she poked the horror-stricken man teasingly in the ribs, linking her arm through Helena's and leading her out of the bathroom, 'is what I call a perfect idea.'

**Any thoughts? Let me know what you thought :) (And Happy New Year!)**


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